fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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