people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
