i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
