Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
