I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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