Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
