Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
