every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
my poor anus
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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