who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
