the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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