He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
