Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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