it's not cheating when I paid for it
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
