btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
