I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
