you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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