Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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