the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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