Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
