Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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