we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
