Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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