The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
