My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
