I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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