She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
