He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
