I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
