Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
