well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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