There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
