i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
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i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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