so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
