i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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