Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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