I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
