I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
