Having a random hookup so left but love u
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
