i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
