A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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