He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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