the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
