WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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