saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Semen is not good for contacts.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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