"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
