Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
