If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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