And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
