At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It was confusing and full of hummus
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
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