they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
