He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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