It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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