; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
sex in a hospital.. check
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
