I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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