Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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