i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We are all done wearing pants today
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
