he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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