You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
