So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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