drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
