Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i can't believe i had my finger in that
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just pee around me
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
